As I told you before, I’m in the middle of test week… And tests have been pretty tough so far! I just hope Math Test on Monday is easier. (Pretty pretty please? Haha)
Anyway, as we’re visiting PUC (Pontifical Catholic University) tomorrow for the “PUC por um dia” event… Friday tests have been CANCELED! I’m SO glad I don’t have to worry about Maths, History, Geography, Chemistry or any subject for that matter today :)
“Un cadeau de la providance”, really! (FYI: that means “a gift from God”… right Gabriela?)
So I finally found some free time to write a real post. I’ve been wanting to share this for a while now, but… In my New Years resolutions, I decided to make the most out of 2011. But at that time, my idea of “enjoyment” were parties, meeting new people, doing stupid things, becoming more popular… you know the drill.
What happened, though, was that I found out I was wrong.
First, “making the most out of 2011” could mean many things. Of course, parties and some irresponsibility could be a part of it. But… I’d be lying to myself.
I was never that girl. You know her – that girl who loves to party, to drink, to have fun; who’s irresponsible and carefree.
During my ED days, I was the complete opposite. I was the responsible, hard-working, restrained, shy and quiet girl.
The thing is, my family took a long time to notice that. Because I was always responsible. I’ve always loved to study. I’ve always had good grades. And I’ve never cared about being the center of attention – although I actually remember being pretty confident as a kid. And I liked my body – which I’m still working on nowadays.
But since I’ve had EDs on and off since I was 11, my confidence vanished. All I cared about was being perfect, in every sense of the word. I was struggling and fighting against an “invisible” enemy – my own brain.
Luckily, ED is each day a smaller part of my life. Of course I’ve had many ups and downs – but I’ll keep fighting until it’s gone. I want to – I have to.
I’m getting my life back. I feel like myself again. I joke, I laugh, I enjoy my friends’ company, I’m no longer as obsessed about perfection as I was once before… But I still study. I still love to spend some time alone. I still love to stay home at night (what? I never said I was normal… haha).
I’ve truly learned a big lesson on the last few days. I might like to study, get good grades, do nerd-y things, sleep early and watch movies at home with my Mom and Lelê on Friday nights… But that’s just ME. Not ED. I am who I am, and I can’t change that. I love to be who I am – and I wouldn’t have it any other way :)
Hey, maybe I’m not partying, doing crazy stuff, kissing boys like there’s no tomorrow and drinking booze like the other girls… But that doesn’t mean I’m not having fun while watching “Startrek” with my best friend, reading a book about the Russian Revolution by myself or dancing to Black Eyed Peas’ song “I Gotta Feeling” with my baby sister in my room. I’m just… a bit different. I am… myself. Nice to meet you ;)
Some eats (to make this post a little more colorful, haha):
I guess that’s all… I promise to enjoy tomorrow as much as I can and take as many pictures as possible :)
I hope you’re all having a great week – see you soon!