sábado, 2 de abril de 2011

Don’t You Ever Touch Me Again

Hello, everyone.

I’m sorry I waited until today to post – but I had to. I was going to post yesterday about my city tour (school project) and my latest tests (chemistry, sociology… let’s just forget about that stupid math test for a second), but as I was about to leave to my Dad’s house, I decided to finish that post later. Everything’s changed now.

Let me clarify. Or even better, let me tell you a story.

My parents got divorced on 2000. I was 5. It’s funny how I never really suffered to see my parents apart – I always thought they’d be better off alone. They used to fight quite a lot, so when we moved out it was no big deal (emotionally-wise).

Me and my sister went to live with Mom. We moved to a neighborhood far away from our home with Dad – about an hour away. A few months later, Mom met Stepfather (thank God for that, btw), which was pretty amazing. I always loved him, even though him and Mom went through some rough times. They now have 2 kids together (Lelê, who’s 5, and Baby Mig, who’s 6 months-old), and 2011 marks they’re 11th anniversary (even though they’re not actually married). I consider myself lucky to be surrounded by all these wonderful babies and this beautiful family – stepfather’s definitely (an important) part of my family.

Dad-wise, we always lived far from each other. I used to go to his house every 15 days. But I feel like it’s been an eternity since we were really close – now’s just all about fights and screams. No fun, no fun at all.

Anyway, I was on Dad’s car last night, with him and my sister Bruna. They started a discussion about the “Meet and Greet” ticket most artists sell so the fans can take pictures, meet them, have their CDs signed, etc. All of a sudden, when I decided to share my opinion, Dad cut me out, screaming at me the way he usually does. But I had decided I would not let him talk to me like that – not when I hadn’t done anything wrong. Is it wrong to say: “Dad, I agree with you when you say it’s absurd for a fan to pay in order to meet his favorite singer while the fans are actually the reason why every artist gets to perform, but… (he didn’t let me finish)”?

So I said: “Calm down, Dad! I was just sharing my opinion. You don’t need to scream at me. I didn’t mean to offend you.”


And then he hit me. My left arm turned red and then purple instantly, and I couldn’t feel anything but deep pain.

This happened before. Twice. Mom and Dad had already fought over this same subject. The last time it happened, I blogged about it.

But this time’s different. I didn’t disrespect him, like he said I did. And, even if I had disrespected him, he has no right to hit me. I’m 16 now, and I won’t let him do this to me ever again. Never again.

When I was little, he used to hit our hands until they were bright red, seething with pain. I always thought it wasn’t fair, but I never complained. I thought every father did that.

Now I know that’s not true. I know now that it is possible to raise a child without hurting her physically (or emotionally, by the way). Personally, after all I’ve been through, I vowed to never hit my children like my Dad did. I can ground them, talk to them, argue with them. But hurt them? Nope, never.

To make a long story short, I called Mom to tell her what happened so she could tell me if I was right or wrong (I thought I was right, but everyone at Dad’s house was screaming at me, saying me and my sister were rude, disrespectful, etc… I couldn’t make my mind up), and she was really pissed off. She tried to call Dad, but he ignored all her calls. So Mom called Grandpa (her Dad) to see if he could pick me up – unfortunately, he was out of town. She called me again saying she’d pick me up first thing in the morning. I spend the whole night crying, and asked my sister to sleep by my side. I was scared of my father’s reaction. I thought he might come back to argue/hit me again. It was awful.

I couldn’t sleep properly, and even though I went to bed at around 2am, I was wide awake by 8am. I waited for Mom in bed until noon, when she called to tell me she was almost there, and that I should get ready to leave.

The last time I talked to him was last night, before the “incident”. Since then, he didn’t talk, text or call me. I decided I wouldn’t be the first to call, so I’ll probaly have to wait a little while until he decides to contact me.

Grandpa said he would talk to my father as soon as he gets back from his trip, and Mom said I wouldn’t go back to his house until he starts seeing a therapist.

I’m a mess. Seriously, I don’t know what to think.

We were never too close, at least not after I moved out when I was 5…

But this? It’s just too much for me. I can’t take it anymore. I’m sick and tired of being treated this way, specially because he never hurted my sister (who lives with him). Only me, who sees him rarely and for a short amound of time. I just don’t get it.

I’d love to know you guy’s opinions on this subject…

If you’re a Mom, have you ever hit your children? If you’re not – are you against it? Do you think that hurting your kids physically can be helpful while raising them?

And, most importantly… What would you do if you were me?

Just curious. And confused, I guess.

Sorry for being such a Debbie Downer today, guys… I didn’t mean to, and I completely understand if you skip this post. I promise I’ll post again tomorrow to show you some food pics, funny stories and hilarious pictures. No more Dad talk, ok? I swear.

Thanks for being always so comprehensive and sweet.



10 comentários:

  1. Oh my gosh- this is NOT okay in any way! I am so, so, so sorry to hear that your father thinks that's an appropriate way to behave to his own child. His actions are completely inexcusable! It is NEVER okay to use violence against anyone, especially your own child. My heart is breaking for you. I know it's easier said than done, but if I were you, I would cut off all contact with him. People that are physically abusive often escalate in their violence, and that's not something that anyone should be subjected to.

    My mom spanked me sometimes when I was young, which I don't agree with, but it was never too hard and it was never done in the heat of the moment. When a parent hits their child during an argument, it shows that they are unable to control their emotions and have no logical reasoning, which can be dangerous.

    Again- I'm SO sorry you went through this. Parents should be someone that you can trust and be comforted by- not someone that abuses you and scares you. Take comfort in your mother and stepfather. They sound like loving parents to you.

    Sorry for the long comment! Also, never apologize for writing about something like this on here. It's YOUR blog, and you are very brave to write about it. Maybe telling your own experiences will help someone else.

    Take care! You are in my thoughts <3

  2. No, that was a terrible thing your father did. Technically he could be in jail for hitting you like that.

    I can understand parents giving small children a light pop or small spanking, but only in a highly controlled, warned-of manner. Never out of anger.

    Stick with your mom. I'm so, so sorry you had to go through that.

  3. oh my goodness that is a no no no!! im so sorry girl!!
    that was pure violence and should not be tolerated.. stick with your mom and stay strong!!!

  4. Gasp! Honey! I have no idea what I would do. I would try and have an intervention with him and let him know this is not okay....if he disagrees you need to keep your distance until you are 18 and able to control when and on what terms you see him (if at all).
    I do not believe hitting is ever called for but even in families where they feel (for some crazy reason) that it is warranted it needs to stop at a certainb age. 16 is too old.
    OH MY...hon I am so sorry!

  5. Oh my lord! I wish I could fly to Brazil to hug you :(
    Definitely let talk to your mom about this and let her know what you are feeling. But letting it sit without a resolution isn't good either.
    But I was also spanked when I was little but never when my parents were mad and it stopped when I turned 10 or 11 or something.
    I hope you're OK and I'm in Buenos Aires if you need me. But you're def. in my prayers

  6. No. It is never ever ok for a parent to hurt their child mentally or physically. It may seem blunt, but a parent who hurts their child has a blood relation and that's it. A parent who loves their child only protects them from danger and is never the cause of it. I'm happy that your mom found a man who truly cares for you and your family and I hope you never have to deal with your birth father again.
    Virtual Hug xxo

  7. oh my goodness -- it was a terrible thing for your father to do! one should never, ever abuse their children. my mother has hit me before when she was on a drunken rampage, but i don't think it was to the same degree as what your father did to you. please stay away from him! I don't know how possible that is because of the law and custody and such, but stay strong dear. I'm here if you ever need to talk!

    (my google account isn't my typical blog...this is Alexandra from le beau monde)


  8. Dear Gabriela,

    I think a parent needs to disciple the child. I agree with spanking. My dad spanked me a lot when I was young, and I have a great relationship with him. So I think spanking is necessary.

    But NOT like this. NOT when the parent is angry (for no reason at all) and hitting the kid out of control, and not when the "kid" is 16 already.

    We all agree...that your dad shouldn't have done that. But he's also human, and a flawed one at that. I know it feels horrible, I just want to hug you right now. But there is nothing to be confused about: you didn't do anything wrong. Your dad has issues.

    There might also be some cultural aspect in play here. Perhaps your dad was raised NOT to ever question his parent. I know in Asian cultures, that is so. Parents don't like when children disagree or voice strong opinion.

    It is likely that you dad feels bad about this. It is also likely that he still thinks he was right. But I want to believe that your dad still truly does love you. And I know it sucks, but Gabriela, I think the only thing you can do right now is not to change him or whatever, but be the adult here, and let the incident go. There are other things to worry about, okay?


  9. That is absolutely terrible of your father :( I am so sorry you had to endure that :(

    I think it it great that you stood up for yourself, even if the outcome wasn't good. It is a really good thing to be able to stand for what you believe in, and that is exactly what you did. You did nothing wrong, and didn't take the blame for a situation you didn't cause. I am proud of you :)

    Stay strong, this will pass <3


  10. hey i feel you...it NOT right at all...you should just avoid the visits...just my opinion. i dealt with this kinda stuff..hope you are ok now and hope everything turns out fine. it did for me so just have faith and everything will be alright!