Before I begin, let me just say there’s only 7 DAYS (a week) until my 16th birthday!
Yay or Nay?
I was really excited at first, but then… I panicked. I mean, I didn’t know what to do. My 15th birthday pretty much sucked, and my lunch with friends/dinner with family were both terrible. Mainly because all I could think about was food and calories. I don’t remember a thing about my friends, our conversations, presents I’ve won (I didn’t win too many, to be honest… about 2 or 3 gifts from a few family members), the “Happy Birthday To You” song (I was much more worried about the cake I wouldn’t eat – I decided I didn’t want a cake, but then Grandpa’s wife bought me a cupcake/mini-pie so we could sing the song. I was SO pissed), etc.
It was my birthday, all my loved ones were present, and all I could think about was how much weight would I gain after that day?! C’mon. How FREAKIN’ STUPID is that?!
To make a long story short, you can probably tell I want my 16th birthday to be awesome (and way much better then my 15th). But… what to do?!
I’ve been considering dinners, lunches, even parties (a no-go)…
I really wish we had the money to throw a party. The last party I’ve had was at my… 9th birthday? Or something like that. But my place is pretty small (considering the bunch of people/kids who live in it… and the fact that it is an appartment), and the family members who live near me have small appartments too. So… yeah. A no-go.
I might just have dinner with my family on February 9th (my day!) and… figure out something to do with my friends on the weekend.
Okay, enough rambling… but wish me luck, guys!
Onto another subject. A recovery update.
I’ve been doing pretty well, really… it’s just that I’ve been having lots of disordered thoughts lately. Feeling fat (ok, so fat is not a feeling… but you know what I mean), bloated, heavy, ugly…
But I’ve been ignoring ED’s voice. So far, so great. I haven’t restricted much… and I will not allow myself to do so. Relapsing right now would not be a smart idea… At all.
From Eden’s post on ED’s anger and many more, I came to the conclusion I don’t want to be “that girl” anymore. I want to be ED-free as fast as possible. So slipping IS NOT AN OPTION. I’m decided to face my fears and issues and take a stand.
Because I CAN do it. Anybody can. It’s just a matter of will. Recovery means nothing if you’re not willing to recover. And, believe me – I am.
By the way - I recently found this song in someone’s blog and just fell in love with the lyrics (even though the music video’s a bit hard to watch). So, if you’re like me and doesn’t curse, I’d say try singing “freaking perfect” instead ;)
Blogworld has encouraged me so much. I’m honest when I say – thank you, everyone. For the comments, posts and support. Seriously – I wouldn’t be here without you guys! You guys definitely rock :)
Oh, and on a brighter note: I went to the beach today with Mom and Lelê! It was actually really fun. Here’s a few pictures:
Oh, and before I forget – here’s another tag (again, written a few months ago)!
1.What is your favorite article of clothing?
2. What is your dream vacation?
3. Have you ever danced in the rain?
4. If you could design your own dream house, what would it look like? big and spacious, small and cozy, condo, etc..
5. If you won the lottery would you quit your job and move to Tahiti?
6. If you could only drink one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
7. What would you name your first born son or daughter?
1- Probably shoes and coats (sweaters, hoodies… I like them all :) )
2- A tour through Europe – specially France and England. And maybe a little stop by the U.S. on my way back ;)
3- Not really… No, I don’t think so. I wish I had, though.
4- I’d probably live in a condo in a vibrant neighborhood – with nice restaurants, all kids of shops, malls, bookstores, libraries… And maybe near college, in the future :)
5- Probably not. I’d keep on working – I hate the idea of being useless, haha.
6- It would be… fresh unsweetned OJ. I absolutely LOVE it!
7- That´s a good one. I changed my mind thousands of times, but when I was little, I really liked the name “Samantha” [edited to add: I’m in love with the name “Alice” right now. Just so you know, haha]. And, for a boy… I always liked the name “Harry”. (Yep. Harry Potter fan right here!)
Have a great week, loves – the countdown is ON!