quinta-feira, 12 de agosto de 2010

Filled… With Doubt

Good evening, people!

I´m not even gonna say it´s been a while. You all know that pretty well ;)

All I can say is that I really needed this time to figure some things out. By myself.

It´s like I said before – recovery ISN´T easy. It´s actually one of the hardest things I´ve ever had to face. But the key to sucess is not giving up. At least that´s what I´ve heard :)

Anyhow. Let me update you on my life.

I´ve been studying, reading, tweeting, laughing, and… ta-da…

NOT calorie counting.

I decided to set a goal to myself, something I knew that could actually be done, something I could change for real.

And that goal was to STOP THE CALORIE COUNT.

It was automatic. Quickly and without even thinking about it, I counted all the calories I was putting in my mouth – making sure they wouldn´t go over 1000, 900, 800… maybe 700 calories, if I was lucky enough to fool Mom.

I finally realized that it wasn´t normal or right. Teenagers at my age don´t count calories. Most of them don´t even know how many calories there are in the simplest things – like apples, or bananas…

I knew that, if I wanted to recover, this needed to stop. Calorie counting has became an obsession of mine. I realize that it can help some to keep on track with their diet and eat the right amount (not more or less then you actually need). But it just doesn´t work for me. You know?

It took me a while to get used to stop myself before I could actually start counting. But it´s been working. Of course, I have slipped a few times… But I´ve been following my “rule” for most of the time.

“Calorie-count is NOT allowed”

Hahahaha. Rule #1 - check!

Now, for the pictures. I´m really considering the idea of stopping the picture-taking for a while, too. It has helped me to keep “on track”, as I´m “not allowed” to calorie-count anymore. Bad idea, Gabriela. Don´t go there.

Let´s see…

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Pears… The jucier, the better.

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Apples. Only a few selected pics… I eat at least one apple every week-day :)

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Yogurt Mess. Hmmmm.

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The salad-and-quiche combo at Emporium Pax… With tiny melon and pineapple slices and a glass of Iced Tea on the side. T´was a spinach+ricotta quiche.

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Times two… Spinach quiche once again.

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And times three – heart-of-palms quiche, this time. The were out of the spinach one, haha.

(And, yes – I´ve been to the same restaurant three times to order the exact same thing. Am I a quiche n´salad freak or what?! Wait until you see…)

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Should I say times four? It was at a different restaurant… Haha. Spinach Quiche, caprese tower, zucchini-quinoa salad and a glass of fresh OJ.

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And… again. Chickpea salad this time :)

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Mangoes. I wish I had many, many more pics of those to share… :)

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Buffet plate. Couldn´t the whole thing… But it was delicious, nonetheless.

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Non-fat milk+chocolate powder and bread+cottage cheese combo

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Banana soft-serve… made with two tiny ‘naners

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Apricot Fro-Yo. Not as good as I thought… But, hey – I don´t like apricot. Tough one.

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White Cheese and Turkey Breast Calzone. So. Good.

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MUSHROOM (YAM) GNOCCHI. THE MOST AMAZING ITALIAN DISH EVER!

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At a party… Salmon and Tuna sashimi, Golden-Fish sushi and ginger.

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YMIAJ!

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Plain 0% sugar Fro-Yo! LOVE.

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Giant Papaya slice.

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Apple+PB

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Apple and tahine. It was a weird combo… I ate it, anyway :)

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Cinnamon Nature Valley Bars

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Leftover PB+ tbsp of yogurt

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Whole Wheat Chicken quiche, heart-of-palms pie, steamed beet slices, tomato slices…

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… with a side of black beans.

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Baked sweet potato, steamed beet slices, egg “farofa”, chicken quiche slice

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Baked sweet potato, steamed beet slices, chicken sausage, heart-of-palms pie

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Heart-of-palms pie, black beans, farofa, steamed veggies (beet, carrot, pumpkin)

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Brazilian 'Egg Farofa’, black beans, steamed veggies (beets, carrots and pumpkin) and a lettuce-and-tomato salad on the side

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Boiled Egg, Egg Farofa and black beans

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Farofa, black beans, chayote and tomato slices, turkey meatballs, baked sweet potato

Ok – that may have been a bit overwhelming!

But… yeah. I guess that´s it, for now.

I´ll update you as soon as I can – more words and less pics, this time, I promise.

Happy almost-Friday to you all!

XOXO

G.

quarta-feira, 4 de agosto de 2010

On Beeing Full

I´m trying to keep my eyes closed. But it gets harder and harder by the second.

My stomach is growling. Not with hunger, but with discomfort. I feel heavy. And unbelievably full, in all possible meanings.

I stare at the clock at my bedside table, unable to move. It tells me it´s already 2am. I try to fall asleep once again, knowing I would have to get up less then three hours later. My head was spinning.

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So… yeah.

That was basically what I felt on Monday morning before waking up. I tried to challenge myself a bit each day, but my efforts were clearly not strong enough. ED rulled. Until…

THURSDAY

Breakfast

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YMIAJ – 1/2 non-fat yogurt container, 1/2 crumbled granola bar, leftover PB

Lunch

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Whole Wheat Quiche, tomato slices, lettuce, steamed carrot and chayote + a pear

Dinner

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Two slices of whole wheat bread with a tbsp of cottage cheese and a side of white tea, plus…

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A mango.

FRIDAY

Lunch

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Grilled chicken, pumpkin purée, steamed cassava, cauliflower, carrot and baked sweet potato

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With a side of white tea

Dinner

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Steamed cassava, carrot and cauliflower, grilled chicken, with a side of white tea and a pear

SATURDAY

Breakfast

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A chopped apple with 3 tbsp of cottage cheese

Pre-Lunch (at a BBQ)

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Grated carrot and beet, tomato slices, bean salad, chicken wing, lettuce and an olive (ate only about 10% – I wasn´t hungry at all)

Lunch

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Grilled chicken, steamed cauliflower, cassava and carrot, mashed pumpkin and grilled chicken with a side of Iced Tea

Dinner

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Half a cantaloupe

Until Sunday.

SUNDAY

Breakfast

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The other half of that cantaloupe

Lunch

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Grilled chicken, steamed cassava, cauliflower, broccoli and carrot, heart-of-palms pie, farfalle pasta (Ok, I left the pasta and half of that grilled chicken… But I was incredibly full), with a side of Iced Tea

Snack #1

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Banana Soft-Serve! It totally CHANGED MY LIFE. Best. Dessert. Ever!

Snack #2

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McDonald´s strawberry parfait! It´s been YEARS since my last time at McD´s – and I was really proud of myself for ordering something while my little sister Lele enjoyed her strawberry milkshake with chocolate sauce :)

Dinner

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Whole Wheat Quiche, steamed cassava, carrot, cauliflower and broccoli and grilled chicken (a glass of Iced Tea on the side)

Dessert (Snack #3)

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A spoonful of PB (while Lele reached out for her 2nd scoop)

Ok. Wow, huh?

I felt incredibly good, but incredibly awful, too. I cannot lie – having 3 snacks plus 3 meals was really new to me. I couldn´t sleep the whole night – my stomach was working on digesting all the food I had eaten. But, mind-wise, I was in a really good place. At least, at first.

Monday was my first day back at school. I had to wake up by 4:50am, get dressed, have breakfast, brush my teeth, get my stuff… all over again.

But I had great news:

#1 – I was invited to join the Brazilian´s History Olympics – a competition with students from all over the country with the best grades in History. I was selected with a 100/100 and a 96/100! I was SO happy :D

#2 – My Portuguese Composition was selected to a competition with (yet again) students from all over Brazil. It was about differences. Again – I was REALLY excited!

Foodie pics from Monday:

MONDAY

Breakfast

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Whole Wheat Bread, a tbsp of cottage cheese and 1/2 glass of milk with 1/2 tbsp of chocolate powder

School-Snack

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A small apple

Lunch

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Whole Wheat Spinach Quibe with a salad (lettuce, turkey breast, grated carrots and beets, heart-of-palms and mustard sauce) and a side of Iced Tea

Dinner

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“Itanhangá Sandwich” – smoked salmon, buffalo mozzarella cheese and pesto sauce on a ciabatta bread…

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With a side of a fresh unsweetened orange juice

Heaven in my mouth. The only part left was the bread (there was WAY too much bread for my taste… I´d like a 80-20 salmon/bread ratio, hahaha)

I was SO FULL afterwards…

But I was definetely happy to make Grandpa happy!

Besides, I had an amazing time with him and Peter Paul (my little cousin). We met his mother (Aunt Caroline) on our way to Argumento (a book store), and it was great to choose and book and talk to her. She just got back from France (my dream destination!). The funny thing is: we never talked much. We never got along too well. But it seems like we´re finding much and much more things in common, and I was very pleased to chat with my cool Aunt :D

**UPDATE**

Yesterday was much worse. I fought with Mom, had a misunderstanding at my band´s meeting… The only highlight of my day was seeing my cousin. He lives in Sweden, but he´s here for vacation. It was a bit weird, since I hadn´t seen him in over a year, but still… It felt good. I had fun.

TUESDAY

Breakfast

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1/2 container of yogurt, 1/2 crumbled granola bar, teaspoon of PB

Snack

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A mini-apple

Lunch

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Turkey Breast and White Cheese sandwich on a whole wheat bread (plus an Iced Tea on the side)

Dinner

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Grilled chicken, steamed veggies (cassava, broccoli, carrot and pumpkin), heart-of-palms quiche

Yep. Not my best day. But I had to post it, I wanted to be completely honest with you guys… I was giving up.

Not only on recovery, but on myself.

But as for now… I feel much more commited. It´s the first afternoon-snack I eat during classes in AGES! It was a big accomplishment.

Plus, I didn´t calorie-count. I wanted to, but I was able to stop myself before it was too late. I plan on going out for dinner with Mom – and have Cassava Gnocchi with either Funghi or Pesto sauce! I´m already predicting there will be no pics – I plan of eating without blinking or thinking! And without regretting, of course :D

***

Oh, well.

I maybe wrote a little too much for your liking?

Sorry. It´s just that I did have a million things to recap from all those days I spent at Dad´s house. Which, let me tell you, weren´t the easiest.

But it´s all over now. I´m back at my beloved house, to my beloved bedroom. Believe me when I say I couldn´t ask for more :)

I have great plans for tomorrow. I guess I´ll see you guys soon…?

Oh – and thank you SO much for all the love and support. It means the world to me :D

XOXO

G.