domingo, 26 de dezembro de 2010

So Sick

Please don’t worry guys!

I’m not really sick. I mean, I am, but not health-wise.

Allow me to explain: I’m sick of these STUPID jokes.

Everytime Mom, Lelê, Bruna and I are together, she (Mom) says: “Let’s see who’s the highest one here!”.

And I’m SO. DARN. SICK. OF IT.

Let’s just say my Mom isn’t so tall. She’s maybe 5’3 1/2. So me and my sister Bruna were always not-so-tall/average (Lelê is SO TALL for her age. 4’0 for a 5 year-old girl?!).

The thing is: since I started the yo-yo diet thing (ED-related), I haven’t grown much. Which means that my sister, 1 year and 10 months younger then me, is my height (maybe a liiitle bit taller).

She’s skinnier then me. She’s always been skinnier then me. We’ll never weight the same, we’ll never have the same bodies.

But now that she’s my height, “comparasions are easily done”. You know what I mean?

Now, she has grown normally for all her life. I haven’t. I actually haven’t seen a doctor in a long time, so I don’t even know if I’ll grow any more inches.

But this “who’s the tallest” thing bothers me so much. It’s like always remembering me how anorexia made me short.

And she thinks I never knew that?! She thinks it never bothers me that I could’ve grown much more? Have a regular period? Does she think I never torture myself for all this things? That I never feel guily?!

It’s enough, for crying out loud. I’ve been eating so much more lately. Even stepfather said I was much more healthy. So WHY does she have to keep remembering me that I’m SHORT? It’s tough enough to LIVE WITH IT! Gosh, doesn’t she know it hurts me?

Here’s what happend: Mom asked me to go the grocery store with her. I said ok. Then, all of a sudden, everyone else wanted to go, too. Ok. Even though I didn’t really feel like going (the only reason I was going at first was because Mom did not want to go on her own), I decided to go anyway. So, we were all waiting for the elevator, when Mom asked “let’s line up according to our heights”.

Ok, it may not seem much, but it was enough to piss me off. I screamed back, without a second though: “SHUT UP! Just… SHUT UP!”

And I started crying. I went right back home, and closed the door behind me. I cried for a long time. I went to the living room to take the phone and call her – to tell how much she had hurted me.

But then stepfather kinda made me calm down. He said he understood. And that what she said was really wrong. He even added: “You know, if you think about it, they’re kind of bullying you”.

I know what I did was wrong. I didn’t plan on saying “shut up” to my Mom, by any means. But I was SO pissed, SO sick of all these retarted jokes, I exploded. If you’re reading this (but I’m sure you’re not, since you went to the grocery store)… Sorry, Mom. But please, just stop! It’s so not funny anymore.

Ok, so now I stopped crying. Sorry, everyone. I didn’t want this to be such a downer post… Specially after such a wonderful day (aka Christmas).

By the way – I won the new iPod Touch! And I’m really excited about it.

Ok, so I better shed my tears and go get something to eat. My belly’s growling!

Love you all. Thanks for reading this.

XOXO,

G.

15 comentários:

  1. You are strong :-) Thanks for the comment!

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  2. I've so been there—I'm in my 20's and 4'11. I was 4'8" when I started high school. All my "little" cousins are starting to outgrow me!

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  3. Wait...Have you had the honest conversation with Mom that it bothers you? Maybe if you did she would stop?

    Maybe you can embrace your inner shorty. Write a post about all of the reasons why you are glad you are short...that's what I do with my blog. Takes a few days, and I snap ridiculous pictures to illustrate and it makes me feel better.

    You'll see a lot of that on my blog...trying to work out the nasties by posting. I recently documented an issue I had with a pair of pants.

    ~Missy

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  4. Not being so tall is a good thing too, I always felt awkwardly older than my classmates because I'm tall and guys get freaked out by women that are taller than them. Plus finding long pants is not easy!

    Hang in there and speak honestly about your feelings with your family.

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  5. Oh girl, I'm so sorry.

    As awkward as it may seem, having a deep heart to heart with your mom may be the best thing you can possibly do. If she continues to say the things that hurt you even after such a conversation, then it's off your back. You did what you could, and it's on her now.

    But there's a very big chance that she has no idea how much this is hurting you and a good talk may clear things up for the both of you.

    Hang in there and know that you are strong and beautiful!

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  6. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this Gabriela! I will agree with previous commenters though that being tall isn't the best thing in the world. I am almost 5'8" and my husband is the same height and I feel...dumb when I wear heels and am taller than him.

    I bet your mom had no idea until now that this really bothered you so at least it is out in the open now!

    Happy Belated Christmas! I hope that you are having a wonderful holiday season.

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  7. I'm so sorry. That sounds awful. If it makes you feel any better, and I hope it does. I'm 5'10! No joke and I was always taller than boys at school. Going to dances was so hard. I could never wear heals. I struggle with it a lot. I've had eating disorders and body image issues because I'm just bigger (in general) than normal sized people. I should be bigger than my 5'6 friend. Right?! If I Was the same size I'd be far too skinny to be healthy.

    We are all who we are. Tall, short, big, small, skinny, thin, normal, etc...

    My boyfriend is 6'4 and his sister is barely 5'6 some people are just supposed to be short and some are supposed to be tall.

    I hope this helps sweet friend. And I hope you have a happy holiday!

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  8. Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. I'm sure you mother doesn't even realize that she's hurting you by doing this. My mom can be very oblivious to things like that at times. I just have to take her aside and tell her how I feel. Maybe a little chat with your her to let her know how this is affecting you would help.

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  9. I'm sorry you've had a rough time with your family :( I think sitting down with them to have a good talk might help a lot. Also, you have plenty of years to grow before you reach your full height! I didn't stop growing until I was 20.

    Best wishes, honey, and don't worry - things are looking up!

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  10. Uggh, that would annoy me too! Sorry you had to go through it, and I hope things are better today!

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  11. Aww I'm so sorry/: I think your step dads right.. it sounds kinda stupid too. For me, I've always been teased for being tall on my moms side of the family. Everyone is so short, even the guys! So I hate taking pictures there, I'm taller than everyone except my dad. I was self concious about wearing heels for the longest time. I wanted to be shorter for the longest time too. But in the end, we just have to accept ourselves. Being tall doesn't change who I am on the inside, and the same with you.

    It'll be okay, you're still young and you're probably not done growing(:

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  12. I'm SO sorry! I'm 5'7 & have always been "too tall" for my age.I ALWAYS wanted to be cute & petite. You are strong, smart, & BEAUTIFUL!!! Never forget it!:)

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  13. I'm sorry you had to go through that :( But I agree with Missy---you should definitely talk to her and let her know how and why it bothers you.

    Congrats on winning the iPod---I love my Touch!

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  14. aweeee k my mom always love to point out the height differences of me and my brothers, she does it so often its not funny anymore. im tired of it too. :(

    xoxo

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  15. i can totally totally relate to this girl! I used to beat myself up for how I affected my body and height and it reallly got me down... but I have learnt over the years that I actually appreciate my height- I like being short.. i can wear heels, i dont have to worry about being taller than guys ;), i can wear short dresses and skirts, I can be that cute little short girl that everone wants to cuddle!.. now i LOVE it! i hope you will find this love for your height too!

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