quinta-feira, 16 de dezembro de 2010

Facing Your Fears, Fail and Sucess

Hey, y’all!

So, yeah. That was quick, right?

I thought that, since I’m on vacation, I should use my time to write a bit more. Here we go, then!

The last three days were absolutely amazing.

Well, at least the last two. I don’t really remember exactly what I did on Monday, hehe. (Oh, the the joys of being school-free…)

Let’s just skip to Tuesday. First, I started off my day with a wonderful Yoga class with Ana, a spanish old lady who actually inspired my Mom to be a Yoga teacher/instructor. It felt great, and it was the first time I did not sleep on the last part of the class (when she makes us all lay down, close our eyes and relax? A great opportunity to take a nap, if you ask me. Haha)

Later on, by 6pm, I left the house and went to my friend Gabs’ “play”. It was actually a bunch of small scenes together, all of them written by Tablado’s students. It really fun, I have such a talented friend! She has a gift for acting, I’m sure of it :)

After watching her, me and a few friends decided to go out to “celebrate”. I was a bit uncertain, since it was already past my dinner time and Mom had told me that when I got back we’d go out to eat at a restaurant near my house (where I usually order a big bowl of salad). Leaving would be the easy option. I was ready to say goodbye to my friends and walk to the bus stop, when something hit me.


I mean, I could sure go back home and spend time with Mom. But I do this everyday! Being with my friends is something that makes me feel good about myself. I feel great around them. So why was I trading my friends for MORE “me-time”? I spend the last two weeks in my room, reading blogs, leaving the house occasionally. After all I said the last time (that I was trying my hardest to beat-up ED), I would really just chicken out and embrace tha “safer” option? Surrender to ED?!

NO. I won’t do this. NOT AGAIN.

Those were the words that popped into my head, all of a sudden. And then it hit me – if I went home, ED would win. I’d be trading my friends and the pizza place they were about to go to for my Mom and a salad. But I want to win! I WANT TO be normal. Eat pizza. Laugh with my friends. Be stress-free. Care-free.

So I went for it. I called Mom, and asked her what to do (I wasn’t so convinced that I was doing the right thing at that time). I told her, honestly, that I had no money but I really wanted to stay. Gabs and her Mom heard me and said money wouldn’t be a problem, that she’d pay for all of us. Mom said I should stay, and that she’d pay me a cab on my way back. I smiled, and we left to the pizza place.

We went to an “All You Can Eat” pizza&crepe place. At first, it was obviously not fun hearing my friends laugh and say: “I’ll give you five dollars if you eat 5 slices or pizza. Pepperoni ones. And chicken+catupiry ones. No, ok. Two and a half slices. I doubt it. I’ll give you 10 dollars…”

So, yeah… That goes on and on. But when we actually started talking about other stuff, it was fun. I struggled quite a bit, to be really honest. They offered me a slice of a margheritta crepe, and I said a weak “ok”. I grabbed my fork and knife and started slicing it so bite-sized slices. Nobody was watching me – they were all laughing and chatting. I took the first bite, then-

WOW. It was GOOOD.

The last time I ate a real mozzarella-filled crepe was, what? Two years ago?

Later on, they served us shrimp+leek crepes. I took a small slice, and ate it. I took off the shrimp – it tasted off and uncooked… and did not want my first pizza-place experience in years to be a total fail – and ate all the rest. I was proud.

The rest of the night was smooth. I laughed, talked, made fun of the boys, discussed Gabs’ exchange to Australia and made vacation plans. So nice.

Was it easy? NO.

But I decided to face my fears.

And, well?

I did it.

And I’m pretty proud of myself.


Thanks for reading and for all the sweet comments, guys!

You guys are the best.

Love you all!



18 comentários:

  1. You go girl! What an accomplishment, I'm proud of you! :)

  2. Good for you! Stay true to yourself and protect your health :)

  3. SO proud of you girl. I knew you could do it. You ROCK girly :)

  4. Good for you, Gabriela! So glad you were able to keep ED at bay.

  5. youu are SO brave, sweetie! that's awesome that you could recognize and face your fears. you're a great example. keep it up! xo.

  6. way to go! You conquered those ED thoughts. And you faced that fear. Takes a lot of courage to do that. Keep it up!

  7. Felicidades! (okay, I know Spanish is not the same as Portuguese, but let me pretend for a second?) Relaxing days with friends always lift our spirits and it's amazing what a little crepe lovin' can do :)

  8. its amazing to hear that ur mom was inspired into becoming a yoga teacher. thats very similar to my situation..it was a friend who inspired me to take the plunge and become one :)

  9. WAY TO GO girl. I still struggle with that all the time -- avoiding social situations because of the food and drink. So proud of you for facing your fears!

    I'm sorry your friends were giving you trouble - it was probably in good fun but it's never nice to be in that position.

    Doesn't food taste AWESOME??

  10. I can only imagine that pizza and crepes were a huge step, but you handled it gracefully. I am so unbelievably happy for you! And there are only more victories and delicious food to come.
    And yes, animal crackers and peanut flour make everything better.

  11. I am so proud of you Gabriela! Social situations can be hard. I never really had an ED, but I find it hard to deal with social events and things of the like sometimes. You are definitely on the right path girl :)

  12. Thanks for your comment! Congratulations on eating the pizza- you CAN conquer the e.d. You are not alone!

  13. YOU GO GIRL, that is an amazing accomplishment!!!! Good for you! I'm glad that you were able to stand up to ED and make the decision to go for pizza with your friends even though it was anxiety-provoking at first- facing our food fears are so important, and each time it gets easier. That's wonderful that you were able to enjoy the food and have fun with your friends! Keep up the awesome work. So happy for you! <3

  14. I'm proud of you, Gabe! Keep it up...this is just the beginning! :)

  15. This sounds like a really happy time! Facing your fears is so hard, and you've done it so well! :D

  16. Aww, I'm so proud of you! Every little step is a leap in the right direction. Everyone has a right to have fun and enjoy the moment. Sometimes it's the things we deem as "unhealthy" that actually make us the healthiest. Keep going, girl; you're on a roll!

    Have a lovely day!

  17. Congratulations on recognizing the voice of the ED, overcoming it and having fun with your friends! It's pushing those limits that is really the most helpful thing!