So… I might be just a teeeny little bit obsessed about T-Swift’s (aka Snackface’s dopplegangster) new-to-me song “Back To December”. But it’s true – I’ve been really thinking a lot about what I’ve been doing since the beginning of the month.
Hello, everyone! Happy December.
Anyhow… In other words, as I said before, recovery isn’t easy. I’ll be honest with you – I’ve came to a point where everyone compliments me instead of talking about my unhealthy “skiny-ness” behind my back. “Gosh, you’re so beautiful… and tiny… and skinny…”
C’mon. Being thin DOES NOT equal being beautiful. Or healthy, for that matter.
But, my point is… it’s hard enough to convince myself of that. Hearing this stupid compliments from others…
I know it shouldn’t make me feel good. I usually react in a awkward way, in a mix of “thanks” with “I’m really not…”.But deep inside I know ED is smiling. Widely.
And I just hate that.
Why do I feel like I’ve “already gained enough”? Why am I so attached to my super-skinny jeans?
The truth is – I don’t think I could bare seeing those not fit. I think I’d totally freak out… considering I own only 3 pants (all of them are jeans, and really small). I’m so embarassed to ask Mom for new jeans… She’s taking care of a 3-month-old baby, she’s not working… we were supposed to save money. I was supposed to help her out with that.
But how can I go out without pants? Without shorts?
My old wardrobe is completely forgotten. As you may recall, back in January 2009 I was… “chubby”. Maybe even overweight. It’ll be hard for me to share this, but… Here it goes (proof):
The pants I’m wearing here were the only ones that fitted me at that time. Right after taking this picture, we tried to find me a new pair of jeans… Without much luck. Every single one made me look… well, “fat”. According, not to me, but to Mom and Grandma. (Side note: Ok, so maybe they didn’t use the “F” word… But they meant to. You know? “This one looks a little too tight… That one doesn’t look good on you… You should try a larger one… Or maybe even a bit larger… etc.)
Anyway. Wow, I just realized how childish and whiny I sound. I beg your pardon. Please don’t think I’m hugely depressed and extremely sad – I’m doing well, too! It’s just that I tend to write about what annoys me. Sorry, everyone.
Moving on to the good news: I just got back from a little city in the countryside of São Paulo with Mom and Baby Mig named “Piracicaba”. I was invited to sing at “Casa de Noel” (Santa’s House), a project that offers a Christmas-themed show/concert featuring basically Santa Claus, his wife and his “elf” (aka me). It was SO much fun! We did 3 concerts:
Right after Concert #3 – with Baby Mig, Grandma and my young assistent (little Nino! I love love love him.)
So, as you can probably tell, not everything’s lost! I’m not exactly sad right now ;) It’s just that… ED voice keeps bugging and annoying me for some reason. Go figure. I’m sure it’ll fade… with time.
I promise to be back soon!
XOXO to all of you,