quarta-feira, 1 de setembro de 2010

Cette Fois, C’est Different

Salut, mes amis!

As you can see, I’m in a very french mood right now…

Hahaha – I have SO many things to share!

Let’s see…

- the National History Olympics have officially begun! Me and my team passed the 1st phase, and the 2nd one is on until tomorrow- I´m so excited!

- my baby brother is on his way! Mom went to the doctor today, and everything’s ready for the big day :)

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- my portuguese composition was chosen! Technically speaking, I WON the competition! Me and a few other students had their composition picked to be a part of a book by SINEPE (an institution that represents all schools in my estate – Rio de Janeiro). M. Marília (the directress of my school) came to congratulate me, and now all my teachers are coming to me to say how happy they are for me. YAY!

Well… I guess those are the top 3 news.

Yippie, right?

Besides, I´ve been:

- studying a lot

- hanging out with my friends as often as I can (YAY for “carefree-ness”!)

- taking food pics (I plan on stopping this soon… seriously)

- trying on new workouts, like hydrogymnastics

But, most of all, I´ve been trying to focus on my recovery.

It´s harsh. Everybody knows it. I knew it.

Yet I did not know it would be so… unstable.

I just read Fi’s post on her recovery path these days… And Jessica’s…

And I often feel the same way. More often then not, I feel that recovery is not worth it. I have really bad self-image right now, and I’m constantly “double-checking” just to make sure I’m still thin. To see if my clothes are still ridicously big on me. If my size 0 pants are still falling to the ground. It’s actually pretty ridiculous.

I WANT to recover. But it seems like wanting is not enough – I need to do something about it. To keep my eyes on the big prize: heath (as my gorgeous friend Gabriela says).

I feel like I’m beeing such an hypocrite all the time. And… maybe I am.

I mean… talking and writing about it is the easy part. But the real deal, the EATING part? That’s another story.

I’m so sorry to bother you all with my personal issues. But I need to let it out somehow – I know that the fault is all mine. Not my Mom’s. Or my Dad’s.

Actually, they’re the good guys. They only want me to be happy. And even after all this time, they didn’t give up on me. How incredibly kind is that? “Incondicional love” does exist, people. I know that now.

Anyhow… I just feel that I should really take this whole thing more seriously. I don’t want to hear from people around me that I look like a 11-year-old little girl anymore. I want to grow, to have my period back, to have my healthy glow back, my “voluptuous” butt back…

I do. I do. I do.

Please, let me know if you guys have any ideas. I feel like I have started this whole thing with the wrong foot. I wanna do it right… And I might need some help.

On a happier note… Life without calorie-count is AMAZING. Seriously, I’ve never felt so free before. I might have a long way to go… But I finally took the first step!

Let’s see what we have in here, photo-wise…

WOW. Get ready…

GO!

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Baked Sweet Potato, Baked Beans, Grilled Chicken, Sautéed Spinach, Egg Farofa

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Pineapple Popsicle

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Pear (x40.000.000.000)

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Mango (x99.999.999.999.999.990)

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Grilled Chicken, Steamed Veggies

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Papaya Slice

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Toast with Requeijão, Skim Milk with Chocolate Powder

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Medium-Sized Plain Fro-Yo with mango and pineapple as toppings

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Apple (once or twice a day, sometimes more)

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Spinach Quiche, Chickpea Salad, Tabouli Salad and fresh OJ

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“There’s a cat in my backpack!”

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Sushi-filled plate, ginger, raw veggies and pineapple

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Sashimi hand rolls, sashimi pieces (salmon, tuna, white fish, grilled tuna)

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Cute sushi rolls

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Pear+Mango= LOVE

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Caprese Tower, Spinach Quiche, Tabouli Salad

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Vegetable Calzone

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Medium-Sized Plain Fro-Yo – with pineapple and mango

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Carrot-Ginger soup with Whole Wheat Cracker

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Lunching with Grandma!

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Veggie Focaccia

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Fresh OJ on the side

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Goat Cheese Soufflé Salad for sharing

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“Holy YUM, Grandma!”

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Smoked Salmon and Cream Cheese Baguette for her

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Zucchini Bread – bought for later on!

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It tasted amazing, by the way… :)

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Just the usual…

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Salad: cherry tomato, grated beets and carrots, broccoli, cauloflower, heart-of-palms, turkey breast, buffalo mozzarella and gorgonzola

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Beet Pie, Grilled Chicken, Black Beans, Farofa

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Leftover Pesto Cassava Gnocchi

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Toast, Cottage Cheese, Apple

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My usual quiche combo with a side of Iced Tea

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Salad from Frontera’s buffet

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Dessert: pineapple and mango

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Baked sweet potato and pumpkin, tomatoes, grilled chicken, beets, farofa, black beans

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Toast+Cottage Cheese, chocolate powder with skim milk

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The usual quiche combo with a side of fresh OJ

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Baked sweet potato and pumpkin, tomato slices, farofa and black beans, two turkey meatballs

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Sweet Potato, Pumpkin, Black Beans, Farofa

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Turkey Breast and White Cheese Calzone

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Pineapple slices 

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“Summer Plate” at Vegetarian Rio

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Grandma’s Feast – pasta, black beans, cassava, heart-of-palms, chicken, spinach pie

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Turkey Breast and Ricotta on a Whole Wheat Bread anf Fruit Salad on the side

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Mango, Pineapple, Papaya. Layered :)

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Mango, blog-style cut :)

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Hard-Boiled Egg, Veggie Quiche, Grilled Veggies…

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Plus take #2, because Mom told me to

Wow. I’m so sorry – this is just a mess. To be honest, it seems like this whole post was all over the place. I guess I just had way too many pics to share. And this is only about half of them! Eeeeek, hahaha :)

Anyway… I guess this is it. I’be coming back soon, to update you all on my “recovery status”…

Oh, guys. I can’t thank you enough.

Thanks for reading, commenting, writing me back… I really appreciate it.

Wish you a wonderful evening!

XOXO,

G.

14 comentários:

  1. oh my gosh, so many delicious pictures of food! now i'm hungry!!

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  2. Hey G
    I am sorry my posts havent been inspirational lately. I recently did one on my happiness and its good to focus on what will make us happy onces we recover and what makes us happy now, and im sure if ut honest with urself, deepdown, being really thin doesnt make u happy
    Sending love and good vibes ur way,and loving all ur food pics too ;D

    Fi
    xxxxxx

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  3. I think t most important thing to know is that there is NO wrong way to recover :) It is different for everyone, and the fact that you are doing it, that's whats important :] I am so proud of how hard you are working at this, and I know you will get there! Stopping calorie counting is a HUGE step, I know it changed a lot for me and I know it will help you a lot as well :)

    Praying,

    Scott

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  4. Keep on trucking, my dear Gabriela! Reject all the temptations of ED...because you know they want nothing but to harm you in every possible way. I'm so happy that you've overcome calorie-counting though!

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  5. I know first hand how difficult it is to fullt commit to recovery, but we cannot stay sick forever. There has to be a time for change, so why hold off? It will only keep you from experiencing life!

    Body image is often the last struggle to disappear in recovery, and body checking only fuels negative thoughts. I still struggle with it, too, but life is so much better when we can focus on things other than the way we look.

    Keep fighting! Never give up.

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  6. Wow, there are so many exciting things happening in your life right now, congratulations on everything! I cannot wait to see pictures of your baby brother:)

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  7. wow! foodie pic overload! but everything looks delicious, i love how your produce is all so brazilian, very different from what's common here! and your grandma (and cat!) are adorable by the way.

    it's hard to bring yourself to really WANT recovery. it took me a LOOOOONG time to get there. what i've learned is that you've just gotta fake it til you make it. if you don't want it for you, completely, you have to draw from outside motivators like your family and friends...boys, england, anything! once you get to a healthier place, you'll start to realize you're not doing it for others anymore and it really becomes about you. did that make sense at all? eghhh i hope so

    love love love <333

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  8. All the food pics look delicious!!

    Stay strong, my dear. Know that in addition to your wonderful family and friends, this blog community is here to support you too! You CAN achieve recovery; living a vibrant, healthy life includes every single step along the journey, including the difficult ones.
    Sending love xx

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  9. You have so much going on for you. Just focus on what you have accomplished and what will be accomplished in the future. We're all rooting for you, girl!

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  10. YUMMM!!!! I think it's great you've stopped calorie counting. I swear, calorie counting is like a jail!
    BTW your grandma is adorable! And what is Requeijão? It looks yummy

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  11. I'm so glad i found your blog! I haven't really met someone the same age as me recovering from an eating disorder. And it seems like we're almost like, the same part in recover almost. I started recovery about 5 weeks ago. You should check out my blog(:

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  12. I totally understand how school can make you really busy sometimes! But your blog is really inspirational and I love the picture of your kitty in your backpack! :)

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  13. So much good food! Stopping calorie counting is a big step, it's so great!!!!!

    I wish you all the best and look forward to your updates!

    xxxxx

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  14. Sometimes all-over-the-place posts are the best. I feel like this post really conveyed how dedicated you are too recovery but more importantly HEALTH! Look at the delicious foods you are eating. You sounds so happy! All of your good news is awesome. Just keep trucking -- the journey is not always easy, but it is always rewarding!

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